这篇托福作文的分数 满分五分 大概怎么修改一下

这篇托福作文的分数 满分五分 大概怎么修改一下
Over the past decades ,two inventions which are telephone and television
have overwhelmingly influenced our life .because of the popularity of the two inventions,a severe debate on which one has influenced our life more has emerged.As far as I concerned,I definitely agree with the point that the television’s influence is bigger.
Television makes our life more joyful than that before.You can not imagine what your life will be if we do not have a tv in our home.You have no way to deny that it is the television that provides us sufficient information and amusement.When we are back home after a whole day’ s work,switch on the tv and throw yourself into the coach enjoying an attractive tv programme.It .can’t be more ideal than that!But can you rely on a telephone to amuse yourself?Definitely not.
History has witnessed the increasing connections among countries in the world.It is the television that gives us a chance to get to know other countries and experience a totally different culture in another side of the world.Through the discovery programme,I have acquired a mass of knowledge of geology in the us and other parts of the world.Can you have a thoroughly idea about what the American landscape is by telephone?Maybe the answer is not.
Television also provides us a harmony atmosphere with our family.When we get together,we can sit down and enjoy an interesting movie.And then we have much more common topics to talk about.But we can not improve our relationship just by telephones.
In short,both telephone and television have benefited us a lot,but the influence of television has overweighed the former one.The television,as I consider,has swept over the world and has an essential impact on the world.