英语高手帮看一篇托福作文,有多狠批多狠,给个分数,

批不了多狠,就给些建议吧.
1.个别表达还是属于chinglish.
2.有语法错误,如果不能保证定语从句的完全正确,换其他表达方式吧.
3.作为一篇说理性文章应该尽量避免反问句,而是用肯定句或是绝对否定句来表明观点.
4.整篇文章立论不清,语句有些混乱,比如后边,一下说不能撒谎,再没有语句转换的时候突然又说有时候撒谎也是很必要的,这一点比较混乱
These days,honesty is getting more and more important in friendship
.As a simple reason(这一句很不地道,可简单写为simply speaking),honesty shows your enthusiasm,optimism,credibility and so forth.
It also makes you more reliable and dependable in your friends’ eyes,which can build up stable relationship and enlarge the scale of the circle of your friends(建议这句和上一句用and 连接成一句并把后面的非限定定语从句用so to连接).
However,nothing is absolute,so is this!（so is this可以省略,显重复）
Telling the truth can also bring about unexpected problems,which can trigger miserable consequences.
And now let me tell something about it!（感觉搭配不当,这样用很奇怪,改为tell you something...是不是好点儿）
Honesty is necessary.（可以和上一句连接成一句：...let me tell you something about why honesty is necessary）
If a person hardly ever tells truth,how can he or she be believed by others?(改为否定句更有说服力：he or she will never win other peoples' trust)
I have a classmate who comes from a rural area(改为rural areas),which makes him really shy and not sociable so he is often isolated in our class.(这一句语法有误,which 指代什么?时态也有错误,自己改正时态吧.改为One of my classmates is really shy and unsociable because he comes from rural areas so that he is often isolated in our class.)
But he came out to be a really good student and he got an amazing score in an exam.
That makes us more willing to ask him questions and the glamorous trait fascinates us to interact with him.（改为therefore,we are more willing ...表达会更清楚一些）
However,perhaps he was not satisfied how he was treated when he had came at the beginning of the semester,（去掉when he had came 和of the semester,直接改为at the very beginning表达也很清楚） he usually gave us false answers or just said,” I do not know ,either.”,which is not the truth at all.（把the truth改为true 用形容词）
Several times later we got really angry with him and we all stopped talking with him.
So you see,how pivotal role honesty plays in interactions!（So you see去掉,太口语化,改为it can be seen how pivotal.）
As I have said in the first paragraph,nothing is absolute!(改为as mentioned above,nothing is absolute)
Envisage such a plot.
You are very hate smoking(语法错误 you hate smoking very much),while your friend is enjoying inhaling a cigarette just near where you are sitting(把just near where you are sitting 改为 just nearby),how would you say?
If you stop him seriously,by saying,” Inhaling（改为smoking） is harmful to your health and so is to mine,stop please!(please stop it) ”,it is not a pleasant work (直接写unpleasant就好了,把多余的都删去吧)for both you two.（改both of you）
Commonly,you would exalt his pose（his pose改为him吧 更地道,你的表达还是chinglish） when he is smoking.”You look very cool with a cigarette in your mouth!”
Perhaps the instance is not very appropriate,because I just do not want to make an example knew to everybody.（这一句前半句和后半句没有明显因果关系,不明白这句话的意思,我觉得对文中内容意义不大,删去也是可以的）
Is it OK （OK改为appropriate）to tell a dying patient his or her real symptom?
Isn’t it better for them to live hopefully,optimistically,enthusiastically?
Sometime(s,) truth is not welcomed and lying is also indispensible!（逻辑混乱,前后两种观点中间可以加一些转换的语句,转换有些突兀.）
It is really hard to say whether truth is always acceptable because sometimes truth makes no sense and they can cause problems,but truth is also the premise of friendship.So what is my viewpoint?Just the saying,” Nothing is absolute!”