高手来帮我看一下这篇托福作文能得几分?

高手来帮我看一下这篇托福作文能得几分?
Though a considerable number of people holding the idea that in order to acquire more knowledge from lessons ,students should spend more than 11 months in class each year ,in my opinion ,such long time studying will do harm to students’ physical and mental health .Now ,I will give several reasons as follows.
Initially,one issue which makes me support this is that lengthen the students’ studying time does not mean a higher efficiency.Nowadays,students already have suffered from heavy work and the countless exams also bring them enormous pressure .If they must spent most time of a year in class ,physically ,it will make students feel exhausted;mentally ,it would develop dislike for study.This phenomenon will bring bad effect for the students’ further development.
Besides,vacation offer students an great opportunity to connect the classroom learning to the real world outside.If they spent 11 month studying in school ,students would have little time to do some part-time jobs or internships which could make them realize the society more comprehensive and objective.According to a recently research,the students who have completed par-time jobs or internships would find employment more easily and they are likely to be employed within their fields of study ,also they satisfied with their jobs .This research showed that the social activities are significant for students when they face a career .
Last but not least ,in the spare time ,students could possess much time to develop their own hobbies ,such as traveling to another country ,attending to some dance performances and art galleries ,these culture activities are both instructive and entertaining .they help students obtain further developments .without these wonderful life experiences and fresh knowledge beyond textbooks,we couldn’t say that our education system is effective whose goal is to develop a holistic view of education focusing on the intellectual,emotional,creative and ethical person .
So ,basing on these reasons above ,I consider that the most effective education should improve the efficiency by offering opportunities to students ,allowing them to contact with the society ,possessing private time to do what they really want to ,not just blindly lasting the studying time of school.