请各位帮我修改一下我练的第一篇 托福作文

请各位帮我修改一下我练的第一篇 托福作文
满分30 但是是按照5分评分的 我这个大概几分呢··
水平有限.
是关于大城市还是农村更适合孩子的成长
Big city or countryside,which is better for children to grow up in?
It goes without saying that we hope our children have a happy and significant childhood.No matter big city or countryside,both of them can provide a good circumentance for children’s growth.But when it comes to question,which is better for children to grow up in?big city or countiyside?People hold differernt views on this issue.For my perspective,taking all aspects into consideration,big city obviously much better than countryside.My views will list as follows.
One of the primary causes is education conditions,big city have better education resources than countryside,which can provide more chances for children to accept a superior education that countryside can not.A prime example of this is perfect education circumantance such as teachers,universities and art training schools,to name just a few.Those resourses can hardly find in the countryside which can expand children’s scope of knowledge .What’s more,high-tech education facilities that big city have could enrich the teaching and learning methods,meanwhile it could help the students to have a better understanding on their academic course,such as multimedias and laboratorys.In contrast,countryside couldn’t offer those opportunities for their students.
A further more subtle point we must consider is living circumanstance,with the rapid development of our society,it is very convenient for all aspects of our daily life if we living in big city,whereas in countryside,the things that we can do are limited.Health care,for example,is the most important thing in our daily life that children could accepted the best medical tratement if they get a infirmity body.Moreover,regardless of the well-known hospital and docters,the gorvenment will not invest amount of money on countryside’s medical facilities.
Of course,it should be admitted that countryside has more fresh air and pure local customes and practices which will have a good influence on children’s mental and psysical heath.However,the diversity of the big city will better for children who want to borden their horizon and touch the front edge things.This will absolutely exert a profound impact on children’s childhood and stimulate their imagainations and creativities.
From what has been discussed above,although the atmosphere and the relationship among neighbors and friends are very comfortable in countryside,but the education and living circumanstance are better in big city which could provide a good condition for children’s growth.Therefore,big city is the best place for children to grow up in.