请雅思高手还有雅思老师帮我判一下我的小作文的分数并给出一点意见

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information in the two graphs below.

The following two pie charts compare different ratios of the highest level of education in women in 1945 and 1995 separately.

At first, in 1945, the research has made it clear that no schooling and third grade accounted for the comparatively percentage of the total figure, which was equal to each other with 35%. On the other hand, it demonstrated that there was no post graduate and first degree constituted the smallest proportion in the rest number which is 1%.

Surprisingly, followed by the booming science and technology age, people especially women concentrated more on the education. We are delighted to find in the following 50 years, there were fewer women whose standard of education was no schooling, third grade and year 6 respectively. In the 1995 survey, they were all received no less than 9 years education. First degree covered comparatively a half of the second figure chart. Simultaneously, women acquired the advanced knowledge and 20%was shared by the post graduate, which was followed by number of year 9.

In summary, we are so exciting to notice nowadays, women have pay more attention to receive the higher level of education and it really do favor to the booming and glory of all over the world.