冰冷的泪
幼苗
共回答了13个问题采纳率:92.3% 举报
第一段,衔接很好!不改.
第二段:
Such 【a】phenomenon is 【very common强调更普遍,存在范围更广】.
with the【 improvement 】of our living standard,
this 【causes——brings about短语更好】
the following【 steps can be considered to be taken】
【Firstly,Secondly,Thirdly...Finally/Last but not least】这一套过度关联词更常用
which【 is not only helpful for reducing the pressure of traffic 】
but also 【is beneficial to】 our health 【并列结构,用对等词形.而且形容短语也更高档】
more importantly,put huge 【amounts of money into effective regulations and practices】
Only【 in this way/in these ways】can we【 really get rid of such problems and enjoy a more healthy and convenient life 内容更充实,也照应文章主题.】
最后,要铁别提请注意的是,注意规范书写,包括:
书面整洁;字母、单词、大小写规范书写.这些会直接影响卷面印象分.
整体而言,你写得还不错!如果再能多注意书面整洁和高档表达形式,会更好的!
祝你开心如意!
1年前
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