哪个英语好的同胞,请帮我看看我改编的剧本的语法错误,随便帮忙点评和改一下不好的句子

A long time ago,in a beautiful kingdom,there lived a young king and queen,the people love them so much; the queen died while giving birth to a girl whose name was Snow White,she was a beautiful princess.A few years later,the king got married again.The new queen had a daughter name Snow Black.She was very beautiful,too.But the people didn’t love the new queen and her daughter.Because they were cruel.
B:You are beautiful!But I think I’m more beautiful than you.Ha ha~Q:you are my daughter now.You must listen to me and you sister Snow Black.
Q:Mirror,mirror on the wall.Who’s the fairest one of all?
M:Snow white is the most beautiful in the world.
Q:Shut up!Snow black ``` Snow black.
B:What’s the matter,mom?
Q:I think we must be the most beautiful women in the world.But now Snow white is more beautiful than us.I want to kill her immediately.Then we will be the most beautiful in the world.
B:well.You are right.Let’s go.白雪公主在公园里玩耍)
W:Oh!It’s warm outside.It’s not hot.It’s not cold.It’s perfect!It’s a beautiful sunny day.
B:yes,it is.The sun is shining.The children are playing.The birds are singing.
W:hello,snow black.What are you doing here?
B(遍说遍拿出一条丝巾):I have a very beautiful scarf.I think it is appropriate for you.
W:wow!It’s a beautiful scarf.Can I try to wear it?
B:certainly.(黑雪公主帮白雪公主系丝巾,在丝巾上打了个死结,白雪公主倒地.王子来到公园里,看到了白雪公主)
P:a beautiful girl.She shall be my queen.What’s that?(王子解开了丝巾,白雪公主醒了)
W:Who are you?
P:I’ m a princess from another kingdom.What’s you name?
W:Snow white.
P:Snow white.That’s a beautiful name.I have something to do and I sorry I have to say goodbye to you.Don’t talk to the stranger,Snow white.See you later.W:bye.
Q:mirror,mirror on the wall.Who is the fairest one of all?
M:snow white is the most beautiful woman in the world.
Q:snow black,snow black.Why snow white doesn’t die?
B:mom,the princess save the snow white.
Q:Don’t worry,snow black.I have another idea.(皇后扮可怜的老奶奶,黑雪公主带白雪出来玩)
B:I think we will be very good friend.I want to forest and pick up some flowers.Would you like to come with me?
W:I’d love to.(黑雪公主看到白雪公主答应了,奸笑)(森林里)
Q:Apple,apple.Come and buy me an apple.Delicious apple.Apple,apple.B:there’s a poor woman who sells the apples.Go and buy some apples.W:but the princess told me doesn’t talk to stranger.
B:she is a poor woman.We must help her I want two apples.
(B接过Q手中的苹果,咬了其中一个苹果)
B:well.It’s a delicious apple.Do you like one,Snow white?
W:But```
B:eat it quickly.Did you forget I am your sister?(W犹豫了一下,咬了一口苹果,倒地)(Q and B看到白雪公主死了奸笑)
P:Snow white.Snow white.Wake up.Oh,I’ve just found my true love.I want to take her to my kingdom and save her.(P抬起W,手一松,W倒地,吐出了毒苹果)
W看到P,说:you are brave!And you are my Prince Charming!
Q:Mirror,mirror on the wall.Who is the fairest one of all?
M:you’re beautiful.But snow white is more beautiful than you(Q听了后很生气,倒地而死)
B:mother ``` mothe