英语翻译It has been ages since I lasted left a trace here.But I

英语翻译
It has been ages since I lasted left a trace here.But I know I have to make it for the contradiction deep in my heart.I can sense it so profoundly that I cannot hold it any longer.Anyone can help me vent it out?I wanna let go of if but I failed somehow.
Such intangilble feeling hogs my mind all these days!So long!So rooted!But there is no way to let it out.
I really laugh at my poor skill at opening the bottle of wine.Anyway,I managed it,though with much efforts.I intended to drink away the miss in my mind but I feel like a loser with the dizzy mind after the drunkness.
what should I do?How should I be not so concentrated
If only I had the courage!If only nothing had been conveyed!So many "ifs"or "what ifs".None can help clear my mind!A mess!What a mess!