请英语高手帮我点评我的这篇英语四级作文,
请英语高手帮我点评我的这篇英语四级作文,
1：本社团的主要活动内容
2：参加本社团的好处
3：如何加入本社团
Welcome to join the Sunshine volunteer club!If you have a love heart,you ought to join us.We will look in the older those who live alone and talk with them.In addition,we also go to the primary school to teach them interesting knowledge,for example,the interesting math,scientific knowledge and the storm of intelligence.
The Sunshine volunteer club will provide a opportunity to let you help the people who are poor or disabled.I think the activities will improve your ability of action or talk.Furthermore,people will work together and you will learn something how to get along well with others.Finally,you will make some friends in our club.
If you want to join our club,just call us at 691800 or send an email to Sunshine volunteer@hstc.edu.cn,with information attached.And after one week,you will be a member of our club.So don't hesitate,join us.
1：本社团的主要活动内容
2：参加本社团的好处
3：如何加入本社团
Welcome to join the Sunshine volunteer club!If you have a love heart,you ought to join us.We will look in the older those who live alone and talk with them.In addition,we also go to the primary school to teach them interesting knowledge,for example,the interesting math,scientific knowledge and the storm of intelligence.
The Sunshine volunteer club will provide a opportunity to let you help the people who are poor or disabled.I think the activities will improve your ability of action or talk.Furthermore,people will work together and you will learn something how to get along well with others.Finally,you will make some friends in our club.
If you want to join our club,just call us at 691800 or send an email to Sunshine volunteer@hstc.edu.cn,with information attached.And after one week,you will be a member of our club.So don't hesitate,join us.
赞 花信子0302 花朵
共回答了18个问题采纳率：94.4% 举报
一,If you have a love heart.love是动词,不能做定语.换成If you are kind-hearted,
二,you ought to join us表示建议把ought to 换成are supposed to 更委婉
三,We will look in the older those who live alone and talk with them.look in 表示调查,在这里不能用,此句话换成 We will go to show our kind heart to the old who live alone and talk with them.注意：those who 这个用法不对,定冠词the 和形容词连用表示一类人,所以直接用old就行了.
四,for example后面只能接一个名词,此处有三个并列名词,所以就用such as或for instance.
五,provide a opportunity to let you help the people.provide sth.for sb.to do sth.是固定搭配.所以此句应为：provide an opportunity for you to help the people.
六,improve your ability of action or talk.什么什么的能力应该用the ability to do sth.,ability 不能接of.此句应为improve your ability to act and talk.
七,with information attached.这句话我理解不了,要不就删了吧,好像不对.
八,don't hesitate,join us.don't hesitate to do sth.是固定搭配,所以应该是don't hesitate to join us.
你英语功底不够扎实,应该多背固定搭配,多背范文.
二,you ought to join us表示建议把ought to 换成are supposed to 更委婉
三,We will look in the older those who live alone and talk with them.look in 表示调查,在这里不能用,此句话换成 We will go to show our kind heart to the old who live alone and talk with them.注意：those who 这个用法不对,定冠词the 和形容词连用表示一类人,所以直接用old就行了.
四,for example后面只能接一个名词,此处有三个并列名词,所以就用such as或for instance.
五,provide a opportunity to let you help the people.provide sth.for sb.to do sth.是固定搭配.所以此句应为：provide an opportunity for you to help the people.
六,improve your ability of action or talk.什么什么的能力应该用the ability to do sth.,ability 不能接of.此句应为improve your ability to act and talk.
七,with information attached.这句话我理解不了,要不就删了吧,好像不对.
八,don't hesitate,join us.don't hesitate to do sth.是固定搭配,所以应该是don't hesitate to join us.
你英语功底不够扎实,应该多背固定搭配,多背范文.
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你能帮帮他们吗