帮忙看一下这段作文开头有没有语法错误?是否会跑题,谢谢!

我帮你改了几个地方,仅供参考：
As is subtly portrayed in the cartoon, using the internet to communicate with each other is(are改成了is) gaining increasingly popularity. Even when(这里加了一个when) two people are sitting closely, they prefer to use internet rather than communicate face to face(这句改动稍大一些).Below the picture lies a caption which reads,”The internet’s near or far.” It is obvious that the benefits and costs of internet(此句也作了修改) have become a talk of this information society.

没有啦，你这区当博士都可以了

2009年研究生入学考试英语作文题。这张卷子我做了72分。