六年级上英语作文,请给我批改,She is a shop assistant.Her career was clerk.

She is a shop assistant.Her career was clerk 这两句的意思是一样的.有些重复,另外表示具体工作不用career,这个单词主要用于职业生涯.你表述到她是个很好的售货员,那么她的好表现在哪里呢,你需要写出来.
She is a shop assistant.Her name is Mary.And she goes to work by bus everyday.As far I as know,she works very hard,and after work,she will study by herself and make dinner for her family.What a nice girl she is.We should learn from her.

She is a shop assistant. Her【job】 was 【a】clerk.She goes to work by bus. She is very hard-working 【】.She likes to make kites and fly the kites. She is a good shop assistant. We should learn 【things】 from her!

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