雅思作文修改～帮我看看语法是否正确,内容行不行...

你写的很有水准啊!只是有个别打错的或直接查看翻译软件而造成的生硬感及小失误,在此指出,以作交流和学习：
Nowadays,the phenomenon of adolescents committing crimes has become a social problem authentically,causing extensive attentions and controversies.【However——As a consequence】,the topical subject 【is that——whether后面的has become是谓语】 parents should be responsible when 【teenage——teenagers】 commit crimes,has become a focal point of discussion.This essay will discuss both arguments regarding this issue.
The reason why 【parent ——parents】should not be responsible for crimes committed by 【teenage——teenagers 】【reflect ——can be seen in】2 aspects.First of all,one of the most significant factors for children to grow up is independence.Parents only intervene in a few cases.Therefore,parents have unnecessary relation to adolescents’ behavior.A third point is that children from good families can sometimes commit crimes.【As far as——On the basis of the】above-mentioned reasons,parents should not be responsible.
However,I hold the view that parents should be responsible for crimes committed by 【their】children.Firstly,it’s a phenomenon 【of mistake of——from improper】 education.Parents should make their efforts to correct adolescents’ 【mistake——mistakes】.Another point is that some parents have their own defects of education.How can they teach【the】 next generation?What to say in the end is that some parents misguide offspring with lack of law knowledge.Moreover they consider that money can solve everything and compensate fault if their children commit crimes.

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