谁能帮我看看我写的英语演讲稿,哪里要改进?急,急,急

Follow dream,enjoy life
Ladies and Gentlemen :
I am glad to be here giving a small speech about my dream.As GRS and engine(建议改成Just like...,因为演讲的时候最好不要用太书面的语言) for a car ,dream is （the）direction and （the）power for a positive man.（我觉得后面的话跟deram有点远了,要是作铺垫又觉得有点冗长,而且跟前面的话来说有点突然,所以给你加了下transition words） For me,a positive man means he is energitic ,confident（confident就可以了,加了self不地道）,（enthusiasm跟energetic差不多一个意思） what’s most important is that he hungers for success.Therefore,in some way,dream directs me to success.
Since young(When I was young) ,I (already)had many great dreams.They all gave me pleasure and passion.My life became so colorful with these beautiful dreams.
(One of then is to become a captain)because (once I can be,I will be powerful and admired).(I) can defend my motherland and have chance to see the sight with a gun on shoulder.(我觉得用‘I’比‘they’好,因为演讲的时候要给别人身临其境的感觉)
（切换的时候最好给点transitional word,让别人觉得你的演讲有条理）
What's more?(不要用这么多to be) I also wanted to be a doctor,a designer,and even a singer.（These dreams filled my childhood,and give me a lot of hope.
(一段意思完之后,小小总结一下,前后呼应一下,听的人就知道你要讲下一个段了)
Time flies,（of course I'm no longer young,and my dreams are no longer so vary）（My dreams become more and more clear that I want to be an entrepreneur.I want to start my own business.）You may smile(其实我觉得这句话意思满怪的,为什么要笑啊),but I’m absolutely serious.This is the sound from the bottom of my heart.
The company will be a big one with lots of branch companies.Our service will be first class.Of course the (producing process) is efficiency and environmental friendly.If everything (goes well),we can make much (money).My mon and dad (will be so) proud of me.
Then,I'm going to use my money to do some charity,I mean,I can help people suffing from starvation,disease and even wars.(新出现的一个点重复说明) Although my help may be very powerless since these issues are such big problems.Once I help,I believe the situation will be better.(还是写现实一点嘛,野心太大了)
..….oh,see this girl ,she is smiling ,I guess she want to remind me the difficulties that I’ll meet .(It can be changed with the situation.) （这引子不错）
As known ,starting a buisness will be very hard.
(One have to consider how to slove the captain ,the marker,the skill workers and so on.)
这是工厂!不是公司!我觉得比较好的应该换成I may encounter loads of problems on production,marketing,and financial founding.(生产,营销,融资)
(But I believe I can counquer them.I will improve myself to adapt this changing world,I will keep on striving until I reach my dream.I will cooperate with different people to make this huge project.
(I believe my dream will come true one day,because I have passion,and perseverance.)
I believe the more I struggle ,the stronger I will be.
I believe the future belongs to (me,because I dare to dream).
(And what's more I want to say?说了这么多,给听众一点问题,提起他们的兴趣)
Above all ,yesterday is a memory ,tomorrow is a dream ,live for today.I’m trying my best to make today productive and (fufilling).And then,I'm nearer to my dream again!
In the end I wish everyone have a sweat dream tonight.Remember :do your best and your dream will come ture.Thank you.
老板,要求加分!我可是在国外研究communication的哦!专业的!

Where is your speech?

你这哪是演讲稿啊，不是找人给你写吗？