我想要10个英语小笑话

　　1.Who's More Polite?
　　A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite.The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies.But the fat man knew he was more courteous because,whenever he got up and offered his seat,two ladies could sit down.
　　2.Q:What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
　　A:A monkey can have fleas,but a flea can't have monkeys
　　3你的记忆力好吗 Do You Have a Good MemoryWife:
　　Do you have a good memory for faces?
　　Husband:Yes——why?
　　Wife:I just broke your shaving mirror.
　　4烤乳猪 roast pig
　　A gentleman was invited for dinner.When he hurried there and sat down,he was happy to see a roast pig in front of his seat:"Not bad,I am next to the pig."
　　But then he noticed the angry fat lady sitting next to him.He faked a smile and added:"Oh I am sorry,I meant the roasted one on the table."
　　5.要上头条了 one of us
　　While taking photos of a bear eating fish in the forest,two journalists found the annoyed beast turned around to chase them.
　　In running,one journalist said to the other:"Can't run any more!What should we do?" "No idea.But one of us will have his photo on the headline (tomorrow)." replied his colleague.
　　6.大吃一惊 Big Surprise
　　Visitor:Is this a healthy place to live in?
　　Local yokel:Yes,sir.When I arrived here,I couldn't walk or eat solid food.
　　Visitor:What was the matter with you?
　　Local yokel:Nothing---I was born here.
　　7.手锯的用处 The Use of a HandsawAt the mall,my wife and I picked up some hardware items,including a handsaw.We were heading back to the car when we passed a steakhouse.
　　Let's try it.my wife suggested.Although I felt a little foolish carrying the saw,I followed her inside.
　　Scanning the menu,my wife told the waitress,I' 11 have chopped sirloin,please.
　　The waitress turned to me,eyed my saw and commented,And I see that.you,sir,have come for our T-bone special.
　　8.便宜的马 Cheap price for a horse
　　After his beloved horse died,a man wanted to place an ad in the newspaper like this:Horse saddle and bridle for $50.
　　Inadvertently the paper added a comma to the ad,which read instead:Horse,saddle and bridle for $50.
　　Immediately someone responded to the ad,That''s an awfully cheap price for a horse,said the caller,What''s wrong with your horse?
　　Well,he is dead,replied the man who placed the erroneously typed ad.
　　9.粗心的理发员 A Careless Barber
　　Barber:Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in?Customer:No.
　　Barber:Oh,then I must have cut your throat.
　　10.你爷爷 your grandfather
　　A well dressed young man demanded as soon as he entered the restaurant:
　　"Serve me,quick!Give me your best.I don't care the price."
　　Not like the way he talked,the waiter said to him:"Hey Buddy,it doesn't matter you have a lot of money.You are still son of somebody,and grandson of somebody else."
　　The young man raged:"Dare you!Tell me,who wants me to be his grandson?"
　　The waiter replied with ease:"Nobody.Just your grandfathe