逐句分析的追加5-10分,求帮修改作文,写错语法错误需要改正的地方,15分满分能打几分?.准备考四级的

【With】 the developing of technology ,telephone has been used all over the world. 【When people ask which is the 【best 改为better】way to contact with others, telephone or letter? 【Different 】people have different answers. 【Most】 people choose the former while others choose the 【later——latter】.
【the people--Those】 who hold the first opinion believe that contacting by telephone is more 【convenience-convenient】 than【contacting】 by letter. 【Especially 】the mobile phone, you can contact with others by 【is-it】 whenever and wherever you want【to】. 【However ,others who choose the 【later--latter】 opinion may think that it can save much money 【on contacting ---to contact 】by letter than by telephone. 【and——What's more】, some people are shy to express their 【mind--feelings 】【to-for】 others 【by-in】 【the-a】 【directing -direct】way ,such as telephone. 【For 】example , as girls, they【are】 usually shy to show their love to boys face to face 【and-or】 by telephone. 【Most】 of them prefer to show their love by【 the去掉 】letter.
【In】 my eyes, the two choices have their own advantages.whichever choice one makes,he has his own reasons.【After】 weighting up these two choices,I think I will contant with others by telephone in most 【time—cases】, but 【sometime-sometimes】I will choose the letter too.很多处是大小写的改动.得分嘛,11——12分.细小的失误有点多.建议：有时读练结合、读背结合效果可能更好.

不要犯低级错误,应该是12以上[阅卷很快,注意段落结构,和各段首句]
With the developing of technology ,telephone has been used all over the world. When it is asked which is the better way to contact with others, telephone or let...