好心人帮我看看这篇作文啊In the age of information and technology,mobile

好心人帮我看看这篇作文啊
In the age of information and technology,mobile phone plays a vital role in our daily life.Some people prefer to use the mobile phone when they are at bus or plane.The reason is that they can directly communicate with their families and friends.On the contrary,there are also the majority of people who argue this issue.From my own perspective,it can be easily provided that we cannot use mobile phone when we are traveling.
The most significant reason is that we may be dangerous.For example,we use mobile phone,when plane is flying.It is harmful for some electronic instruments.The result,flyer can not receive the sign from the ground.What's worse,without the sending sign from the ground,the plane can be an extremely high dangerous.Oppositely,if we prohibit using mobile phone in the plane,the whole travel is safer.
Additionally,in the public transportation is a public place.Hence,no one has right to do something which is an unfriendly to other people including using cell phone.Image that you are sleeping or want to quiet place,but there is a people who is talking loudly.You must feel unhappy and uncomfortable.You lost a chance to relax yourself form work and study.But if the place is quiet,you have an opportunity to enjoying your time and view the scenery outside the windows.The gorgeous atmosphere can bring to your work.
Although some people would like to use mobile phone in plane or bus,because they can immediately touch with people who want to communicate with,it is rather superficial to deem that we should use mobile phone in public transportation.
To conclusion,I do strongly support we shouldn’t use mobile phone in pane,bus and train.It is undeniable that using mobile phone in public transportation has its own merits:however we have complete evidence to suggest that prohibit using mobile phone in public transportation is always better that using mobile phone in public transportation.
能帮我精改吗?
有几分呢
题目是能不能用手机在bus plane train上 是托福独立写作的