英语厉害的 帮我看看 我写的一篇

1)mayor吧?你想说市长吗?
用 Respected Mr.Mayor（尊敬的市长先生） 比较好 dear用于称呼比较熟的人 当然也可以
还有第一句最好有些寒暄语 就像中文写信 要说 最近好吗?
加一句how are you?显得你比较人情味,虽然你也不会真问人家
2）represent 拼写错误
I am a senior high school student,however,I want to represent all my classmates to ask you a favor of moving away the market which near our school.
favor就是请人帮个忙 比较和缓与正式 直接ask非常强硬
3）Followed by three major reasons,
First,there are serious noise and air pollution made by the market,which has bad effects on our mood and study life.用there be 句型更清楚
4) Second,since the peddlers keep going in and out our campus,we can not concentrate on the class./ we can not hear what teacher says clearly.我们不能专心听课或者说我们无法听清楚老师说的话 用Hear不用listen to因为是不能 和we can't see不用look at一样的道理 用Going比较好 表达出小贩们不停进进出出的样子 话说美国加州就有一家汉堡店叫“in and out"就是表达人很多 大家进进出出 然后汉堡很新鲜 做得很快的感觉 哈哈
5) At last,it is a serious problem that many of my schoolmates have given up studying and want to be businessmen,which are influenced by the market.用现在完成时态比较好 因为你整篇都用的现在时 突然转过去时很奇怪 而且现在完成时表明这个结果对现在很有影响 Influence和affect换一下 多一些词汇变换
6) reply拼写错误
7) Best regards,结束的寒暄语
sincerely,真诚的
Tom
内容写得挺好的 就是拼写和语法上有些问题 还有写信有一些格式 就是要比较正式和客气

第一句有点罗嗦，直接写成I am a high school student.
两句间没有关联词，要用句号分成两句话。
第二句，move 应改成move away，ask语气有些强硬
I strongly wish the market nearby our school could get moved.
下面单词拼错了：
Following，there a...

Dear mayer
I am the *** junor high school student. One behalf of my classmates, i ask strongly to move the market which near our school .
The reasons as followed.
Firstly, the big n...