求英语大神帮我看一下这篇英语作文有哪些问题。

求英语大神帮我看一下这篇英语作文有哪些问题。
题目：请根据下面的信息写一篇英语短文，介绍你的新英语老师李丽。
姓名：Lily 职业：英语老师 基本情况：二十来岁，精力充沛，耐心，总是面带微笑
教学方法：课堂上严格要求学生；不喜欢学生在课堂上讲话、睡觉等；发现学生有厌烦情绪时，就讲笑话以活跃课堂气氛。
同学观点：通过一段时间的接触，大多数同学喜欢上了这位新来的英语老师并接受了她的学习方法。
要求：只能用五个句子表达全部内容。
我的作文：
Our new English teacher is a woman who is named Lily and in her twenties.She is energetic,patient and always with a smile in her face.In her class,she is very strict with us and hates us talking and sleeping.When she finds we're getting bored,she will tell jokes to make the class come to life. After a period of time,most of us like this new English teacher as well as we accept her teaching method.
有不对请指出来，并且说出为什么；或者是哪里可以写得更好，谢谢！