雅思写作7分以上请进来修改雅思作文

雅思写作7分以上请进来修改雅思作文
题目是剑桥7,第一套题目.大意说generally大家觉得有些人生下来就有天分成为很好的音乐家和体育运动员.但是有些人觉得没有天分的小孩也可以被教成好的音乐家和运动员.你discuss both points,然后给个自己的point.我下的是图片版的,就懒得打上来了.请高手修改并估个分,然后以7分为目标提出点有建设性的意见.
A much debated issue these days is whether children can be taught to become a good sports person or musician without relevant talent.The criteria of good or qualified sports man or musician is quit wide range,but most of people believe that children contain equal opportunity to become great professions such as a famous piano player by providing the similar education environment.In this essay,I will argue that people will be successful in the certain area if they were raised in a relevant background and have adequate resources such as a father name the Tiger Woods.
There might be significant reasons of supporting the view of that some people are process of the certain talent since the birth.Firstly,to be a qualified the professions may require some physical conditions,which some people loss these since the birth.For an example,the basic requirement of a good basketball player is the over-average height and extremely great health condition such as a strong heart.Of course we admit that the strong muscles can be generated by continuous fitness.But there is not any approach could extend people's height more than 5cm so far,even with the surgery.Secondly,people hold this point of view because there are adequate cases could demonstrate that some people act as a good professions do have the special talent.A name must be mentioned in this position-------Einstein,the greatest scientist in the human history.His brain is still maintained in the laboratory for the further study and research.It is easy to create a similar environment and education pattern by the current technology,but there is no chance to obtain a second Einstein who actually influence the whole humanity.
On the other side,if we over focus on the talent effects,it will easily omit the real facts which people need to become a qualified the profession.I agree with the people who believe that what you have today is the everything you have done.The dreamed attitude,the achievable plan and the most significant part ------- the un-interrupt efforts,which would decide whether you will be successful in any area you focus.For an example,Mozart loss his listening talent in the later years,but the incredible fact is that he created one of the most touched and vivid melody as a deaf musician.In addition,first black American President Obama's case illustrate a perfect example to support this point of view.He was born in a common mix family,it is not difficult to image how much efforts he have done to achieve the position at today.Obviously,There is no certain rule regarding the talent to be a president.
留个邮箱或者qq,我把修改版的发给你.之前 写的有拼写和语法错误很多,后来又改过一遍.
In conclusion,it cannot be died that talent is significant to success in a certain area such as music and sport.However,a well scheduled life worth to be paid more attention to.It is not reasonable and logical to encourage only talented people to achieve the success.Other children also deserve the equal opportunities to accomplish his or her goals.Therefore,I believe that children who are provided with appropriate conditions which is benefit their growth will succeed in appreciated areas.