zhong wen fan yi

zhong wen fan yi
I don't know if you really care about me, am I boring? Am I a plaything of yours? Why do you hurt me over and over?
I have given you many chances, and whenever I am close to being done with you you tease me again. This just hurts me so much that I can't breathe!
Often before I got to sleep I have looked in the mirror and and felt helpless and start to cry. My pain cannot be buried in the bottom of the heart, you have let me down.
More than once I have come to your home and i don't know if what I am doing is right or wrong. I leave in silence, alone. When I tried to call you, you did not answer the phone, i am left with no explanation, no comfort.
I dont want to force you into a relationship that you don't want, but I love you and need you to tell me what to do. I don't know what you are worried about, do you think I only love you for your money? Money has never been a temptation to me, i can already get whatever I want. You can have me if you want, but you cant give me everything I ahve chosen to proceed without and hesitaion. You think I should love you for everything that you have done, but I know that you will never change. I don't know if i have hurt you or done you wrong, but I hate not knowing.
Every time when hugged me and tell me that you love me, I feel so sweet, and so insecure, because I do not know if you mean what you say or are just waiting for me to leave.
You have given me a beautiful fantasy, but I know I will have to bury my love. I love you the most of anyone I have ever known. I have abandoned the committment that I gave to my parents. I want you to hurt the way that you have hurt me, loving you is the best kind of pain.
You should care about my happiness, I don't have the energy to struggle anymore. I am tired of waiting and have become impatient and mean because you do not share my love. You are too good to leave, but to bad to stay. I have to bury my heart and forget my feelings. I will not tell you it's ok, but I don't hate you. You have wounded me deeply and I don't know that I will ever recover.
Don't come looking for me, my heart has aleady disappeared, forget me.