这是我的介绍自己的英语文章,给个评价,说说哪里要删改

这是我的介绍自己的英语文章,给个评价,说说哪里要删改
My name is Yang Yilun,this is my Chinese name.And my English name is Allen.I was born in 1998,so,I'm twelve years old now.I'm a student,I'm study at Guangzhou overseas Chinese foreigin language school.I'm in Grade Seven.I want to be a boss when I grow up,because
My name is Yang Yilun,this is my Chinese name.And my English name is Allen.I was born in 1998,so,I'm twelve years old now.I'm a student,I'm study at Guangzhou overseas Chinese foreigin language school.I'm in Grade Seven.I like this school,because I like foreigin very much.I want to be a boss when I grow up,because I think to be a boss can get much money.I like sports,I like football best,and I'm good at it.I also like reading and listen music.I like reading Tiger Team best,there are 35 Tiger Team in my home.In music,I like Michael Jackson's song best.Such as You Are Not Alone,Heal The World and We Are The World.And,I like My Heart Will Go On too,but it isn't Michael Jackson's song,it's Titanic's theme song.In subject,I like history and Gergraphy best,because I think it is very interesting.OK,my introduction is end.After my introduction,do you want wo make friend with me?刚刚没写完就提交了，这才是完整版。