这个英语作文的语法对不?Hello.My name is Li Xiaoya,is a member of the fi

Hello. My name is Li Xiao ya.【此处逗号改为句号,原因：英语中不常用逗号（直到学过中学的插入语后才会常出现）,你的这句话已经把一个句意表述完整了】【原句：is a member of the fifth grade students. 修改：I am a
student in Grade Five 原因：I后不能跟is,“五年级学生”表述的太复杂,】 I like to draw and read 【a book 改为books,因为你不是只喜欢一本书,而是喜欢这件事这个整体】【,逗号改为句号】【原句：the most good at writing.修改：I am good at
writing原因：缺乏主语,以及没有the most good的用法】【原句：I’m not tall, with short black hair, small eyes, but the sparkling. 修改：I am a
short girl with short black hair. Although my eyes are small, they are shining.
原因：主要是因为一些约定俗成的表达方法,比如指代要清晰,所以需要带出I am a girl…….闪亮的眼睛
通常用shining表述】【原句：I have a glib, personality and lively, but often confused.修改：I am talkative（健谈） and lively
in my character（性格）原因：glib,personality and lively都是形容词和副词,绝对不能在前面加“a”,这一段显然是生翻硬套,而且glib不仅不是小学生的词汇,更是一个贬义词.】I love to eat meat【逗号改成句号】【原句：is a hundred-percent carnivorous animal, green vegetables and the
like do not look. 修改：If there is no meat, I will be unhappy.（如果没有肉,我会不高兴）.And
I really hate vegetable（并且我真的讨厌蔬菜）原因：如果你是小学生,我不建议你用carnivorous这个单词,一看不是自己掌握的,你可以换一个表达方式,并且后面是“青菜什么的瞧都不瞧一样”完全是中式英语,根本不通顺,青菜也是一个狭义的品种,你想表达的应该是“讨厌蔬菜”,使用vegetable就可以了】 This is me【, do改为. Do】 you 【love改为like更符合常用表达】 me?
你好!我叫李小雅,是一名五年级的小学生.我喜欢画画和看书,最擅长写作文.我个子不高,顶着一头黑黑的短发,眼睛不大,但亮晶晶的.我能说会道,性格活泼,但经常会犯糊涂.我最爱吃肉,是一个不折不扣的肉食动物,青菜什么的瞧都不瞧一眼.这就是我,你们喜欢我吗?

全文：
Hello. My name is Li Xiao ya. I am a
student in Grade Five. I like to draw and read books. I am good at writing. I
am a short girl with short black hair. Although my eyes are small, they are
shining. I am talkative（健谈） and lively in my character（性格）I love to eat
meat. If there is no meat, I will be unhappy.（如果没有肉,我会不高兴）.And I
really hate vegetable（并且我真的讨厌蔬菜）This is me.Do you like me?
希望你选择我