The first problem of SNS affect people’s privacy is that Peo

The first problem of SNS （which）affect（s） people’s privacy is that people are too dependent on privacy generated by the interests.Most of the people are liveing（living） with interests,especially merchants.Also,ordinary people are driven by them now.For merchants,the goal is intend（intending 或者to intend） to make money,（so）thay have to provide the product and serve to consumer（serve 后面不用加to 直接加consumers即可）.It means personalized goods or serves（services）.Therefore,they must collect all the comsumers’ information as far as possible,include thier privacy.For internet user,if they want to truly achieve personalized of goods or services,they must offer all the personal information as far as they can,include privacy.On the other hand,people want to get more information and improve the social communication,（so） the best way is via the internet platforms to connect each other.In the process of closer communication,the personal privacy are aware or unaware in return for the communication.As USA Today says,“Collecting data violates no laws,and tracking companies“ are largely unregulated.There is no agreement on what should be out of bounds,such as employment,financial or medical data.” That means,due to（后面不加句子） it（what） was（is,这里用一般现在时 我觉得更好） two-way,so（去掉前面已经有due to了） when merchants above board to get customer’s privcy that(that 去掉,前面你用了when,说明有主从句,加了that就变成一整句了,语法不通） tens of millions of Internet users have no ability to stop it.最后一句改得有点乱 我直接重新打一遍（That means,due to what is two-way,when merchants above board to get customer's privacy,tens of millions of internet users have no ability to stop it.