大大帮我中译英:是的,可是我不确定何时会到(hk),如晚上到的话,向你拿passport方便的吗?---这句谢谢!

Yes,but I'm not sure when I will arrive in Hong Kong.Would it be convenient to pick up the passport from you if I were to arrive in the evening?
这样是照你原文写法翻,算是“忠于原著”吧.
要简洁一点就这么回答吧：
Yes but i don't know when on Sunday though,is it ok if I pick it up in the evening?
是周日没错不过我不晓得具体什么时候,如果我需要晚上去取能行吗?

I'm not sure when I will arrive there if it's evening is it ok to go get the passport

Yes, but I'm not sure when I will arrive in Hong Kong. Would it be convenient to take the passport from you if I arrive there at night?