跪求三篇有趣的英语短文,最好每篇一百字以上!

　A little old lady goes to the doctor ...and says,"Doctor,I have this problem with gas,but it doesn't really bother me too much.They never smell and are always silent.As a matter of fact,I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office.You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent." The doctor says,"I see.Here's a prescription.Take these pills 3 times a day for seven days and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady goes back."Doctor," she says,"I don't know what the hell you gave me,but now my farts ...although still silent...stink terribly." The doctor says,"Good!Now that we've cleared up your sinuses,let's start working on your hearing."
　　有位小老太太去看医生：“医生,我有爱放屁的毛病.其实也不是大问题,只是我放屁不臭而且没声音.事实上,我在这里已经放了20多个屁,但是你并不知道对吧,因为我的屁不臭,而且还没声音.”医生说：“好的,我明白了.吃这个药片,一天三次连续吃七天,下星期你再来.”一星期后老太太来了,“医生,你到底给的我什么药,现在我放屁还是没声音,但是怎么这么臭!”医生说：“太好了!你的嗅觉正常了,现在开始治听觉.”
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
George,how did you like your new teacher?asked his mother.
I didn't like her,Mother,because she said that three and three were six and then she said
that two and four were six too.
新老师
9月1日,乔治放学回到家里.
乔治,你喜欢你们的新老师吗?妈妈问.
妈妈,我不喜欢,因为她说3加3得6,可后来又说2加4也得6.
Your Coat Is on Fire
The master,to impress on his pupils the need of thinking before speaking,told them to count fifty before saying anything important,and one hundred if it was very important.
The next day he was speaking,standing with his back to the fire,when he noticed several lips moving rapidly.Suddenly the whole class shouted:Ninety-eight,ninety-nine,a hundred.Your coat is on fire,sir!
您的大衣着火了
　　老师为了让学生记住先思考后发言,告诉他们在说出重要事情之前先数到50,如果是特别重要的事情,要先数到100.第二天,当老师背靠着火炉讲课时,发现好几个学生的嘴唇在很快地不停地动.突然,全班学生一起喊道：九十八,九十九,一百.老师,您的大衣着火了!
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