求高手看雅思小作文,2010年12月18号那次的小作文

求高手看雅思小作文,2010年12月18号那次的小作文
The graph shows the percentage of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in Japan,Sweden,and USA.
From 1940 to 2040,the proportion of population aged 65 and over in Sweden and USA are similar and follow the same trend.In 1940,the data were 7% and 9%,during 1940 and 1980,the figure had a moderate grow to 14% and 15%.From 1980 to 1990,dropping to 13% and 14%.Thereafter,Sweden’s proportion of the population aged 65 and over increased sharply to 20%.However,America’s proportion of the population aged 65 and over leveled off until 2020,it has soar enormously to 23% in 2040.Then,there is a slight decrease to 18% in 2030,and a significant grow to 25% in 2040 in Sweden.
Japan with a fall in the percentage of people aged 65 and over between 1940 (5%) and 1960 (3%).The percentage remained constant until 1985,it began to climb.The rise is continue until 2030,then the proportion of Japan aged 65 and over reach 10%.After 2030,there is a dramatically increase to 27% in 2040.
隐泪 1年前 已收到3个回答 举报

selamoon_baobao 幼苗

共回答了18个问题采纳率:88.9% 举报

建议你到新东方批改网上改改,都是外教改的
自己写了一篇自我感觉良好的,拿上来粗批一下改的满目疮痕啊.
还好帮我指出了问题!最好雅思考的时候作文写得很爽

1年前 追问

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隐泪 举报

要付费吗?

唇间的孤独 幼苗

共回答了1个问题 举报

语法问题很多,语句表达错漏百出。
在5分之下,考官给你4.5就很仁慈了,估计给你4分

1年前

2

上层男士 幼苗

共回答了14个问题 举报

图形都没有,怎么知道你描述的对不对

1年前

1
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