英语翻译导语一般采取开门见山的方式,在第一段就能让读者立即掌握事件的人、事、时、地、物.

上面的还不错.不应该是be came,go directly into更好.
下面部分的initial 和first 选一个就好.GRASP没有用好,also could 应该是could also,应该说,it could also allow the reader to be informed with the main characters,the incident,the time and place where the incident takes place或者it could also allow the reader to catch the main point of the piece of writing such as...

The Introduction should be Came straight to the topic,it also could allowed the reader grasp the subject,event,time,place and object in the initial first paragraph.