my new year 英语作文

I am going to say something that i have a new age of my life,no one can distroy it .
I feel ashamed to what i had done,my lazy work,my unrealised dream,my lover and lovee.
Today is a the first day of new year,however,i can't feel any happier,and i can't say something to frineds freely.The reason all of these problem is that i have made a decision which is a hard choice for me .
I had done half of task,but i can't find what i really want.
The way behind my back is lost,and front way is still puzzle .
What should i do?
I know i can do better than now,but where is the solution i need to find .
It is a funny thing that i know all about my possibilities but can't do any help .
Anyway,i won't blame anyone ,because no one can help one ,except me .
God bless right person,right?